This blog isn't actually about bears in trees

Texting while walking? You gotta have your head on a swivel! How do you not realize a two ton bear is walking your way and helicopters are flying around monitoring the situation?! I guess Darwin was right. Survival of the fittest. 

In this kid’s defense, he took off like a rocket when he saw this thing. Just made Usain Bolt look like the slowest man on earth. Probably went to the bar that night like “yeah I outran a bear today”. Good story bro, let’s see the raw video.

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Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I guess the Mayans were right. 2012 is it. We’ve been infiltrated! Threat level bright red! Sounds the alarms! Live your life to the fullest! Man’s best friend can’t stop them! We’re fucked!

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alejandroz:

waiting…

Annnnddd this, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly why we’re humans and they’re bears. This is why we have automobiles, airplanes, trains, tasers, and cherry flavored sodas and they have to wait for an iceberg to break apart to get a ride down stream. This is why we have civilized societies and they wait patiently for their applecicles to defrost. Newsflash bro, you’re in the arctic. That shit ain’t happenin’.
Maybe If you were in South Carolina that shit should defrost, but we’re gonna have to produce a shitton more cars before we globally warm enough to melt your meals for you. Just another page in the lazy story of polar bears. Listen, get some common sense you assholes, we can’t do everything for you.

alejandroz:

waiting…

Annnnddd this, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly why we’re humans and they’re bears. This is why we have automobiles, airplanes, trains, tasers, and cherry flavored sodas and they have to wait for an iceberg to break apart to get a ride down stream. This is why we have civilized societies and they wait patiently for their applecicles to defrost. Newsflash bro, you’re in the arctic. That shit ain’t happenin’.

Maybe If you were in South Carolina that shit should defrost, but we’re gonna have to produce a shitton more cars before we globally warm enough to melt your meals for you. Just another page in the lazy story of polar bears. Listen, get some common sense you assholes, we can’t do everything for you.

(via allcreatures)

Source: reddit.com

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It’s a plausible situation. Should you wake up tomorrow, in 2012, in the remote wilderness with inexplicable shrapnel exploding on your left, and a completely out of scale grizzly bear bearing down (see what I did there?) on you, good luck with that pistol. Happy New Years everyone!

May 2012 see less bears than 2011. Which saw a shitton of bears.

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This might be the one time I actually applaud a bear. I can’t stand cats.  They’re entitled assholes who only love themselves. It takes a lot to humble a cat, and this bear does it simply by putting his head all up in that cat’s grillmix. I would love to see the situation if there wasn’t a window there. Wouldn’t be so tough then, would you, cat?

Typical cat. Just like a little 5th grader on XBOX making fun of people through the internet. Let’s change the game up and make it cat VS bear. That’s give you some perspective, cat!

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Did that just happen? That bear looks so much more fucking jovial about waving than I’ve ever felt about anything ever. I’m almost mad at how happy this bear is. An, uh, that wire fence? Good luck staying alive with that thing for protection.

thedailywhat:

Awwwwwre You Kidding Me With This of the Day: Olympic Game Farm’s IRL OH HAI Bear waves goodbye to your Monday blues.

Another one below:

[dpaf.]

Source: thedailywhat

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Seriously though, screw this guy.

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Really? Even in the face of a hurricane this bear just stands tall and rides it out like nothing is happening. Whatever. Don’t listen to the authorities and evacuate, I hope you become a statistic!

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Well here’s some shit. The Grolar Bear is a real thing. Also sometimes called the pizzly bear, it’s a mutant super-freak bear product of grizzly on polar bear sexings. And it’s bullshit! Not bullshit in the sense that it doesn’t exist, because it’s been documented, but bullshit on the fact that it does exist! We don’t need bears to torment us in the first place but now we have basically the Thundercats Megazord motherfucker combining the worst bears into one evil creature.

If kodiaks or those crazy Japanese bears got involved I’d simply move to Europe. They don’t have bears over there, right? Just foxes for fox hunts, right? I can deal with that shit. A fox? Ha! After seeing these mighty, more than likely irradiated experiment mutant bears a fox would be like a house pet. In fact the only nice thing about these mutant bears is that when I challenge them to bare knuckle duels and win I’ll be beating two birds bears with one stone. Take that, nature!

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Well this happened. Bears. Fishing. On a bass boat. Bears using technology to feed themselves. And talking. Questions raised: Where did they get the boat? Do they own a truck to pull that boat? Is there a trailer involved? Was murder involved? How are polar bears and grizzlies in the same geographical region? Why are they being civil? Why do they need insurance? How did they learn about deductibles? Can I fish better than them? Well simply, yes, yes I can. I could out-fish the best bear fisherman that species could field. Bring it on, peasants! 

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