This blog isn't actually about bears in trees

Posts Tagged: America

theanimalblog:

Mom & Cubs On Hudson Bay (by vmselde)

Hold the fuck on. There’s polar bears in North America? I’m not the best with geometry geography, I did used to think Arkansas was close to California, but I definitely thought polar bears resided in the poles of the world. Like North Pole, South Pole, Polar bears, that just makes logical sense. But Hudson Bay? That’s like just the top of America. These white snow dragons are that close?! Fuck that shit!
I’ll cede, I know nothing about Canada aside from their accents, but it just doesn’t surprise me that they have polar bears up there. Just seems like some Canadian-ass form of border defense. They do still patrol the streets on horses up there, it’s simply not surprising that they probably have a bear army, or bear navy, or bearforce (see what I did there?). Fucking archaic Canadians locking their borders down like professionals with ancient technology. Well, I for one am proud that people can freely flow through our borders devoid of polar bears. It’s just more humane.

theanimalblog:

Mom & Cubs On Hudson Bay (by vmselde)

Hold the fuck on. There’s polar bears in North America? I’m not the best with geometry geography, I did used to think Arkansas was close to California, but I definitely thought polar bears resided in the poles of the world. Like North Pole, South Pole, Polar bears, that just makes logical sense. But Hudson Bay? That’s like just the top of America. These white snow dragons are that close?! Fuck that shit!

I’ll cede, I know nothing about Canada aside from their accents, but it just doesn’t surprise me that they have polar bears up there. Just seems like some Canadian-ass form of border defense. They do still patrol the streets on horses up there, it’s simply not surprising that they probably have a bear army, or bear navy, or bearforce (see what I did there?). Fucking archaic Canadians locking their borders down like professionals with ancient technology. Well, I for one am proud that people can freely flow through our borders devoid of polar bears. It’s just more humane.

(via theanimalblog)

Source: Flickr / vmselde

Comments
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Umm, Bear baiting? GO HERE. So did you see that? I’m going to just come out and say it ladies and gents, I’m skeptical of this. Although this is like some Michael Vick shit, “Bear baiting”? “Specially trained dogs”? C’mon now. We all know that even a blind bear could whip the shit out of some specially trained dogs. Like, I don’t even care if these are some Al Qaeda Anti-American-Bear dogs, you know those bears are going to wage war on those mother fucking terrorist dogs given the chance. And win. It’s what we they do. Just natural. Bears are mutant monsters sent to earth only to fuck up our lives. But that’s beside the point.

Let’s take a look at this website. one page? What is this 1996? There’s not even a single link on this page except to their homepage. C’mon WSPA hire some fucking professionals. Are you guys employing the monkeys that you “save” to code your web-pages? Amateur shit WPSA, amateur. This is what’s making me call bullshit. That’s like me making a page called “Stop Clown Rape” with only a picture of some sad, tear-drop lookin’ motherfucking clown and my email address. All you have to do is donate $76.28 monthly and even though you’ve never heard of it before suddenly you’ll never hear about illegal clown rape again. Seriously, it’ll just stop, just pay me.

Sidenote: Did I just insult Michael Vick, Al Qaeda, animal rights, clowns and bears all in a few sentences while secretly complimenting America? I did. Send your fucking congratulations with that clown rape money. (Image via)
Thanks to Alex for this one!

Comments
You’re fucking me right now, right? You have to be. First of all, 1) I didn’t think we had cameras way back in Abe Lincoln’s time to snap this photo and 2) This takes a direct blow to my “bears are America’s enemy” stance. Like. C’MON ABE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. An American flag saddle, obligatory M-16, and the FUCKING DECLARATION. There’s so much right yet so damn much wrong with this photo that I don’t even know whether or not to criticize or praise but my carnal instincts say criticize. This is just fucking wrong. I fucking love Abe Lincoln. And America. But with that said, how do you think the South felt when they saw a motherfucking ABRAHAM LINCOLN BEAR charging at them across the line? Could you see Robert E. Lee fucking pushrodding his musket and throwing gallons of powder into a cannon only to be thwarted by Abe and his automatic machine gun wielding bear? Like, not only do you get the mindfuck factor because no one knows what a machine gun is, you get the general “WHAT THE FUCK!?” factor because, well, just look at the photo above. That’d confuse the shit out of me on the battlefield. Like those drummer dudes, you’d just be entranced. You’d be like “..why!?” and then you’d be lit up by machine gun fire and it’d be game over. Abe -Muthafuckin- Lincoln. America at it’s finest.
justinrampage:

Abe Lincoln, The Emancipator, is riding in on his faithful Grizzly to kick some serious ass!
Related Rampage: Drunk Raphael
Abe Lincoln Riding a Grizzlyby          Jason Heuser / SharpWriter (CGHUB)

You’re fucking me right now, right? You have to be. First of all, 1) I didn’t think we had cameras way back in Abe Lincoln’s time to snap this photo and 2) This takes a direct blow to my “bears are America’s enemy” stance. Like. C’MON ABE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. An American flag saddle, obligatory M-16, and the FUCKING DECLARATION. There’s so much right yet so damn much wrong with this photo that I don’t even know whether or not to criticize or praise but my carnal instincts say criticize. This is just fucking wrong. I fucking love Abe Lincoln. And America. But with that said, how do you think the South felt when they saw a motherfucking ABRAHAM LINCOLN BEAR charging at them across the line? Could you see Robert E. Lee fucking pushrodding his musket and throwing gallons of powder into a cannon only to be thwarted by Abe and his automatic machine gun wielding bear? Like, not only do you get the mindfuck factor because no one knows what a machine gun is, you get the general “WHAT THE FUCK!?” factor because, well, just look at the photo above. That’d confuse the shit out of me on the battlefield. Like those drummer dudes, you’d just be entranced. You’d be like “..why!?” and then you’d be lit up by machine gun fire and it’d be game over. Abe -Muthafuckin- Lincoln. America at it’s finest.

justinrampage:

Abe Lincoln, The Emancipator, is riding in on his faithful Grizzly to kick some serious ass!

Related Rampage: Drunk Raphael

Abe Lincoln Riding a Grizzlyby Jason Heuser / SharpWriter (CGHUB)

Source: justinrampage

Comments
What is this fucking atrocity? Are you kidding me right now? The “Statue of Bearcity”? This is too fucking much for a Monday morning. Like, my week may legitimately be ruined right now. Anyway, this comes all the way from Singapore where the intrepid Turner Swann traveled recently and snapped this photo. He had this to say

"This scary piece was done by some aspiring artist named  Elizabeth (age 8).  Statue of Bearcity? Really?  I see it as an attack  on America and Lady Liberty.  I don’t think Lady Liberty’s credo of  "give me your tired, your poor…" has ever been so compromised.  It’s  hard to look this bear masquerading as a symbol of America in its  aviator sunglasses-esque eyes."

Couldn’t.Fucking.Agree.More, I’m sorry, Elizabeth but there aren’t even any bear features to this lump of being that you describe as Lady Liberty. Where are the jaws of death? The hatred in the eyes? The general intimidating features of a fucking bear? Sorry Elizabeth, back to the fucking drawing board. Why don’t you go and paint Rodin’s Thinking Man as a bear next? Or fuck up the Easter Island statues into some bastardized bear? Fuck. Screw up all our histories why don’t you, Elizabeth?
Thanks for the photo, Turner!

What is this fucking atrocity? Are you kidding me right now? The “Statue of Bearcity”? This is too fucking much for a Monday morning. Like, my week may legitimately be ruined right now. Anyway, this comes all the way from Singapore where the intrepid Turner Swann traveled recently and snapped this photo. He had this to say

"This scary piece was done by some aspiring artist named Elizabeth (age 8).  Statue of Bearcity? Really?  I see it as an attack on America and Lady Liberty.  I don’t think Lady Liberty’s credo of "give me your tired, your poor…" has ever been so compromised.  It’s hard to look this bear masquerading as a symbol of America in its aviator sunglasses-esque eyes."

Couldn’t.Fucking.Agree.More, I’m sorry, Elizabeth but there aren’t even any bear features to this lump of being that you describe as Lady Liberty. Where are the jaws of death? The hatred in the eyes? The general intimidating features of a fucking bear? Sorry Elizabeth, back to the fucking drawing board. Why don’t you go and paint Rodin’s Thinking Man as a bear next? Or fuck up the Easter Island statues into some bastardized bear? Fuck. Screw up all our histories why don’t you, Elizabeth?

Thanks for the photo, Turner!

Comments