This blog isn't actually about bears in trees

Posts Tagged: bear

Texting while walking? You gotta have your head on a swivel! How do you not realize a two ton bear is walking your way and helicopters are flying around monitoring the situation?! I guess Darwin was right. Survival of the fittest. 

In this kid’s defense, he took off like a rocket when he saw this thing. Just made Usain Bolt look like the slowest man on earth. Probably went to the bar that night like “yeah I outran a bear today”. Good story bro, let’s see the raw video.

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Did that just happen? That bear looks so much more fucking jovial about waving than I’ve ever felt about anything ever. I’m almost mad at how happy this bear is. An, uh, that wire fence? Good luck staying alive with that thing for protection.

thedailywhat:

Awwwwwre You Kidding Me With This of the Day: Olympic Game Farm’s IRL OH HAI Bear waves goodbye to your Monday blues.

Another one below:

[dpaf.]

Source: thedailywhat

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Really? Even in the face of a hurricane this bear just stands tall and rides it out like nothing is happening. Whatever. Don’t listen to the authorities and evacuate, I hope you become a statistic!

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Adorable now, maybe, but he’s just getting your taste for a few years down the road. Have fun camping in your thin ass tent in 2015 with this beast bearing down on you. Even Northface won’t save your ass then.

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I’m legitimately frightened to post this video. Maybe it’s because it’s scary as shit and I don’t understand a fucking thing about it, or maybe it’s because I left it open on my browser and it auto-played early this morning and almost gave me a heart attack. Either way, I just don’t fucking get it. And the caption says it “took too long to do” why did you do it?! To give us nightmares!?

With that said, that bear knows how to get down, right? Like, check out that fucking sweater and those dance moves. Guy must just slay the female bears at the dens like it’s not even fair. “Hey wanna come back to my shoe house and knock boots? Get it? DO YOU GET IT?” Guy even has a sense of humor. Dapper, funny, dancing motherfucker.

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Can’t fault a guy for taking a bull by the horns, ammirite? I mean we’ve all been there, just nommin’ on some pizza and next thing you know you’ve got bear in your mouth. It sounds like a creepy college drinking game, but it’s a real life dining situation and could happen to you. Don’t know who puts salt on pizza but hey, if you’re eating a bear, rock on my friend, rock on.
 [Via TheDogHouseDiaries]

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Ok, I literally don’t understand this for a second. Project Grizzly? This is apparently an anti-bear suit? Ok, if this is an anti-bear suit why are you being hit by a car? And by dudes with bats? Maybe I don’t understand the sales pitch? Maybe it’s the do-it-all bear suit you can hunt, shop, and keep order without ever having to remove?

But let’s look at that wimpy display in the ghetto. There you are just hobbling along to get to the JiffyMart and four dues attack you with bats. So you stand there. Totally standard operating procedure. Then you fall backwards and let them crack their bats over your body. Interesting tactics, bear man. I built a bear suit once. I found a tin trashcan, cut a hole in the bottom, and then put it over my head. Neighborhood bear didn’t fuck with me for months. Not until January that is. Not until January…

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Apparently this is Milak. Milak is a baby polar bear at some zoo in Denmark and I guess today was his first public appearance and I have to say: cmon bro, the fuck are you doing? You’ve had three months to get ready for the public eye and that’s what you wear? Did you even clean that coat? Disappointing. Looks like momma bear hasn’t taught you shit in those three months of cave-school. Sure, I was home-schooled but I know how to fucking tie a tie and wash my clothes you little brat. How typical. Public gets all excited to see a new bear and you show up acting like you don’t give a fuck. And look at the mug on that momma bear - totally content that her little kid is an asshole. Ridiculous. And to think, the nice people of Denmark pay for your housing and this is how you repay them. Just disgraceful, Milak.
[Buzzfeed]

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Ok, if there’s one thing I love to do it’s drive my car, but as the previous post and this one shows, bears are getting all up in our shit. And the worst part? This fucker was drunk and shit all over the car. Doesn’t get much worse than that, does it? And it was morning? No amount of coffee would prepare me for this atrocity. Here’s what the guy had to say about it:


"I live on a ranch where there are lots of bears…there was one that learned how to open opentop door handles. It got in and the wind must have shut the door, it got into 3 other peoples cars before getting shut in mine. it drank 4 beers, ate a bottle of mallox, and crapped all over the place."

I’d love to hear that phone call to work “Uh I won’t be in today. yeah, a bear got wasted and vandalized my car and shit EVERYWHERE. You don’t believe me? This is going to cost as a sick day!? I can’t even get in my fucking car! Yes I called animal services. You know what kindly fuck yourself”. Man, this is just a clusterfuck situation. Your car gets ruined and you inevitably lose your job. Let’s hope this doesn’t become common.
[Found on Reddit via Jalopnik]

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