Bears In Trees.

Texting while walking? You gotta have your head on a swivel! How do you not realize a two ton bear is walking your way and helicopters are flying around monitoring the situation?! I guess Darwin was right. Survival of the fittest. 

In this kid’s defense, he took off like a rocket when he saw this thing. Just made Usain Bolt look like the slowest man on earth. Probably went to the bar that night like “yeah I outran a bear today”. Good story bro, let’s see the raw video.

This might be the one time I actually applaud a bear. I can’t stand cats.  They’re entitled assholes who only love themselves. It takes a lot to humble a cat, and this bear does it simply by putting his head all up in that cat’s grillmix. I would love to see the situation if there wasn’t a window there. Wouldn’t be so tough then, would you, cat?

Typical cat. Just like a little 5th grader on XBOX making fun of people through the internet. Let’s change the game up and make it cat VS bear. That’s give you some perspective, cat!

Did that just happen? That bear looks so much more fucking jovial about waving than I’ve ever felt about anything ever. I’m almost mad at how happy this bear is. An, uh, that wire fence? Good luck staying alive with that thing for protection.

thedailywhat:

Awwwwwre You Kidding Me With This of the Day: Olympic Game Farm’s IRL OH HAI Bear waves goodbye to your Monday blues.

Another one below:

[dpaf.]

Well here’s some shit. The Grolar Bear is a real thing. Also sometimes called the pizzly bear, it’s a mutant super-freak bear product of grizzly on polar bear sexings. And it’s bullshit! Not bullshit in the sense that it doesn’t exist, because it’s been documented, but bullshit on the fact that it does exist! We don’t need bears to torment us in the first place but now we have basically the Thundercats Megazord motherfucker combining the worst bears into one evil creature.

If kodiaks or those crazy Japanese bears got involved I’d simply move to Europe. They don’t have bears over there, right? Just foxes for fox hunts, right? I can deal with that shit. A fox? Ha! After seeing these mighty, more than likely irradiated experiment mutant bears a fox would be like a house pet. In fact the only nice thing about these mutant bears is that when I challenge them to bare knuckle duels and win I’ll be beating two birds bears with one stone. Take that, nature!

READ THIS If there’s a maxim I’ve always stuck by it’s this: You can take the bear out of Montana, but you just can’t take the Montana out of the bear. You just can’t It’s like horses and water or whatever. So when I read about these bear cubs being moved from Montana to Cleveland I knew there were going to be issues. They were in this zoo for 12 days and gained 20 pounds?! Fuck! Shit! See that’s why I’ve always had a problem with Ohio. Just fattening things up left and right.

Next thing we know these bears are going to be some metaphor for our great American country. “Oh they just kill things, get fat and act like cowboys all day” Well I’ll tell you what brother, cowboy bears are a fucking force to be reckoned with. You ever seen a bear throw a lasso? It’s like a fucking laser beam. You won’t get out, it’s going to hurt, it’s always going to be on target, and the last thing you see are going to be the deep, black eyes of Ursus arctos horribilis gleefully eating you. Let’s step backward for a moment. The grizzly bear has a the world HORRIBILIS in it’s scientific name. What else do I need to say to show you that these things are fucking terrible?

Sidenote: the zoo wants patrons to name these two animals. I move for 1) Baloney, and 2) Yellow. I’d kill to have a bear named Yellow. Thanks to Joelle for this article!