Bears In Trees.

See, the other day I was thinking to myself “I’m going to make salmon for dinner”, but the market told me they were all out. When I asked why the butcher, or fish butcher, or whatever the fuck he’s called, broke down into tears and began sobbing about bear attacks. Once I had assured him everything was alright he began to tell me how bears steal everything we love. I can’t disagree fish-cutter-up man. See this photo? The caption says “The bear’s impressive strength and speed is no match for the salmon”. No, uh, the bear is laying down in the middle of the FUCKING RIVER. Complete laziness at its peak. Fuck this bear. This is why seafood prices are high (are they?), this is why the BP Oil Spill happened. This article says Russia has 18,000 bears. Fuck that shit, man, never EVER going to Russia. Here’s an entire article devoted to “dramatic bear fishing” photos. Ugh. Dramatic Bear Fishing Photos
Thanks to Andrew for the tips on the last two posts

Fucking John West everybody. That’s my boy right there. Did you see that entrance? Dude doesn’t give a shit that his element of surprise is just fucked due to his Indian-like war scream. Sure he get’s pummeled right away but he jumps back up with a one-two to this fucking bear’s belly. West has a goal for quality salmon and no wannabe is going to stand in the way of that. We could all take from knowledge from this man.

But I have to say, this fuckin’ bear has some moves. You see that juke? That was some NFL shit. Fucking Favre could learn a thing or two from this video. Shit, Maybe then he wouldn’t be injured. Anyway this bear’s tiny brain prevailed when he got fooled by the good ol’ “look an eagle” play. Such a classic. Straight from the annals of tom-foolery 101. And I aced that class in second grade. Cmon bear, you gotta learn history if you ever want to do anything but lose. Such a disgrace. Not proud of you, bear.
Thanks to Branden for this!

allcreatures:

A brown bear cub attempts to avoid the attention of gulls as it makes off with a part-eaten salmon at Lake Clark National Park, Port Alsworth, Alaska…Picture: DOUG MERRICK / BARCROFT MEDIA (via Pictures of the day: 28 October 2010 - Telegraph)

Do you guys see this fucking shit? Bear straight ripped this salmon from those seagulls. Didn’t even offer to share. Fucking selfish-ass bear. This bear totally fucked up their dinner. Motherfucker probably just lazily waited for those seagulls to expend all their energy to catch this huge morsel of a salmon and then deftly swept down upon them and stole it. “Seagulls can can’t a salmon that big” you say? Well fuck you buddy, sure they can. Can’t we just focus on how horrible bears are for a second? Fuck, man.